It's not on the list, but it's something on my mind

On Mother’s day, my two sisters, newly 26 and almost 30, and I sat around a tea table with our mother-of-four, now 48. By most standards, she is young to have 4 nearly-grown children, but you wouldn’t know it to look at her. Years of abuse to her health have taken their toll. She was cheery enough, happy to have her girls with her on her special day and said to us after a while “You are 24, 26, and almost 30, why don’t I have any grandchildren?” We all forced a little chuckle, and lightheartedly I said “I am unwed” and she promptly reminded me that it didn’t matter, and she had Rachel, her oldest, single. So I said “I am only 6 months into my relationship, live in a studio apartment and haven’t gone to college yet” She snorted and said “what do you need to go to college for, what does that have to do with kids?”

I was stunned. What did I need to go to college for? Did she say that? Did my mother honestly just say that? My sisters mercifully picked up the slack here and shifted the conversation, but I had stopped listening. My ears were ringing with what she had said, and as I settled in my rattan chair, the sadness started washing over me. There sat my mom, once so very bright and clever, a svelte beauty, reduced to but a shadow of her former self. That she couldn’t possibly imagine anything more for me, or any of her girls, was nothing short of shocking. Of course I wanted children some day, but I believe I was meant for many things.